Would You Like a Toupee With That?

13 Jun

Something I learned today:

In Japan, there’s a bar that offers discounts for balding men.

$5 off of drinks because they are bald.

I’m serious. Check it out:

http://www.japantoday.com/category/lifestyle/view/tokyo-pub-offers-discount-for-bald-customers

And, apparently, if you show up in a group of six or more balding men, you get a “special surprise.”

Naturally, I’m wondering:

  1. Who has five balding friends and why do they have them?
  2. Are people in Japan jealous of baldies because they get to be drunk on the cheap?
  3. Is there a Tinder site for baldies? Surely everyone is dying to get their hands on a walking coupon.
  4. If so, can you filter your results based on your preferences?

“24-year-old woman seeking a bald man who’s bald enough to save money on drinks but who’s also incredibly handsome and youthful looking and who really works his baldness instead of acting depressed over the fact that he’s bald before his 25th birthday. Dads and grandfathers need not apply.”

“Interested in a head that’s bald on top but that has some scruff in awkward patches along the sides. A touch of salt and pepper is preferable. Don’t worry if our profiles don’t align in any other way. I don’t love anything as much as I love drink discounts.”

  1. Are people shaving their heads so they can afford to drink at all hours of the day?
  2. What about bald caps? Are those just selling themselves now?
  3. Is there some kind of “baldie certification” system in the works?

“I’m sorry, sir, you can’t bring that flask in here. This is a first grade dance recital.”

“No worries, I’m covered.”

*Man pulls out his baldie certification papers*

“Sir, these are fake. I know you’re not bald. I can see your five o’clock head shadow. You’re going to have to come with me,”

Foiled again.

  1. What if your head looks like a bowling pin but your friend Joey still has some rogue hairs hanging out near his ears? Do you get more of a discount? Do you get a martini for every one of his pale ales?
  2. How many baldies does it take to fix a light bulb? (This is just something about which I’ve always been curious.)
  3. Is the “special surprise” for a group of six a set of toupees? Because if not, then that’s just cruel marketing.
  4. Are balding bar tenders the George Clooneys of their society? The unattainable, totally mysterious bachelors who could get even a giraffe with two left feet into an exclusive LA club?
  5. Where can I find one? (A giraffe, I mean.)
  6. Do women get a discount for crow’s feet?
  7. What about sagging breasts?
  8. Mom jeans?

I envision a world where mom jean-wearing customers are just handed a keg upon walking into a bar. It seems only fair.

Clearly, signing up for Tumblr was the best choice I made all day.

Cheers to Fridays in the office.

 

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5 Responses to “Would You Like a Toupee With That?”

  1. meghanmeints June 22, 2014 at 12:23 pm #

    Hello Sophie! I wanted to let you know that I’ve nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blog Award
    http://meghanmariesite.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/the-very-inspirational-blogger-award/

  2. byKrisB. June 13, 2014 at 8:42 pm #

    This made me LOL.

    • sophpearl June 13, 2014 at 10:17 pm #

      Haha thanks! I’m glad you liked it!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Very Inspirational Blogger Award | freshfaced - June 22, 2014

    […] 2. Sophie at A Series of Tomfooleries […]

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