Reading the Signs (With Help from Beyoncé)

29 Aug

I have never been good with transition. For example, when my family made the switch from regular light bulbs to those fluorescent “eco bulbs,” I felt like my whole world was upside down (and noticeably dimmer); when Simon Cowell left American Idol, I vowed to boycott television until “a viable source of brutal honesty is restored to viewers everywhere”; when my mom asked me if I wanted to re-do my room, I said no. (Hence the pink carpet, the pink, flowered wallpaper, and the collection of adorable stuffed animals that lines my bed. THEY’RE MY FRIENDS, OKAY?) 

Anyway, transition is not my scene. So that’s why, every year around this time, I get a little cray-cray. Don’t get me wrong; I love a good, crisp notebook and a rubbery-smelling eraser just as much as the next person. And, if I really think about it, I guess fall is a nice season. But, there’s just something so difficult and torturous about leaving the lazy days of summer behind…

That was what I was thinking as I drove home from dinner with friends last night. I was feeling torn and anxious and stressed about leaving one part of my life behind for another.

BUT THEN: I got a sign. Actually, I got several signs. And all of them told me the same thing: Sophie, it’s time to transition. YOU CAN DO IT.

*Warning: Before I go any further with this story, you should know that when I relayed this series of anecdotes – which I thought would come across as far-fetched yet charming – to my sister last night, she said, “you are bizarre and this story kind of makes me want to throw things at you.” While I don’t doubt she meant this in the most loving way, I understand how this story might seem a bit odd to people who don’t believe in signs, epiphanies, and the power of Beyoncé. Read if you dare. *

So, like I said – I was driving through Concord center, stressing about my lack of adequate “summer to fall transitional apparel,” when DAVID ALLAN BOUCHER SPOKE TO ME THROUGH THE RADIO.

For those of you who don’t know, David Allan Boucher is the nighttime DJ for Magic 106.7, a Boston area radio station. His segment is called “Bedtime Magic.” I repeat, his segment is called Bed. Time. Magic. As if the title weren’t enough, David Allan’s segment is full of uncomfortable silences that will lull you into a boredom-induced coma, and he speaks like he’s entering a “can you speak despite the molasses that’s encroaching on your windpipe” competition.

For all of these reasons, I am obsessed with David Allan Boucher.

Anyway, David Allan said, “This song goes out to a special Bed-Timer named Sophia. Sophia, I hope you’re listening, because this one’s for you.”

I was totally listening.

Yes, I am aware my name is not technically Sophia. Admittedly, I resent it when people ask me, “Oh, so is Sophia your real name?” I guess I just don’t understand why this would be the case – both names are the same number of letters, so it’s not like Sophie would be a nickname for Sophia. How am I supposed to respond? “Yes, you are correct! I was born a Sophia, but I just KNEW that I was meant to be a Sophie. Since changing that ‘a’ to an ‘e,’ so many new possibilities have opened up in my life.”

Even though David Allan didn’t have the name exactly right, I knew he was talking to me because I am his BIGGEST fan. I always listen to Bedtime Magic, even though doing so has resulted in slightly fewer friends and a lot more bullying over the years…people just don’t understand.

So that was the first sign. David Allan, you had my attention.

The second sign came in the form of a giant U-Haul truck, which was driving right in front of me. As soon as David Allan said my “name,” the truck pulled out in front of my car! I mean, could it be any clearer? U-Haul = moving = transition = time to get your shit together and go back to school = go home and pack = YOU CAN DO IT.

(I thought writing about the second sign in equation form would make it easier to understand my train of thought…and would make me seem all math-y and left brained.)

So there. Two, count ‘em, TWO signs pointing toward change. I was starting to come around to the whole idea of a new year. And then the cherry arrived to finish off my sundae of coincidence.

It was the THIRD sign that convinced me the universe was communicating with me. The third sign was BEYONCÉ.

That’s right: Beyoncé appeared in the middle of Concord center! What are the chances of that happening, am I right? She gave me tickets to her next concert and told me I had beautiful hair. Then, she gave me a private concert and asked if we could be BEST FRIENDS. But I said no because being Beyoncé’s BFF can NOT be good for your psyche… 

Fine, I lied. The truth is that Beyoncé’s song “Irreplaceable” started playing. And, as any real Beyoncé fan knows – actually, as anyone with ears who has listened to the radio even once over the past five years would know – some of the key lyrics to the song are “everything you own in a box to the left.” So, once again you have box = moving = transition = time to get your shit together and go back to school = go home and pack = YOU CAN DO IT.

So those were the signs! Do you think I’m crazy? Do you want to throw things at me?

(In case you’re opting for the second option, may I suggest something soft and fuzzy, such as a bunny rabbit or a small throw pillow).

All I know is that I was feeling stressed about transitioning and then David Allan, a U-Haul and Beyoncé all came together for one glorious moment to tell me that everything is going to be okay. If that’s not a message from the universe then I don’t know what is.

I’m ready now to re-immerse myself into the land of textbooks and jungle juice. (Which is just another way we kids refer to studying, MOM AND DAD.)

And with that, let the games begin.




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